Can i not drive my cunt home
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am available for nakedness
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
