I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize