There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
