Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she peed on how many people?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
