drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
