I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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