...so i touched it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize