Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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