is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
