What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im having a threesome with these popsicles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
