Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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