and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
