I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
