just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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