his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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