yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
