Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
