I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
