i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
