Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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