Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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