you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
