My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
