I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
