my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
