If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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