Swine flu. Run for my life!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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