i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
