The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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