It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
