matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
