i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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