life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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