You can't special order awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
