You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
