he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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