I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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