I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
