I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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