im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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