it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
