I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
