Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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