he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
