sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
