Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
