just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
