so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize