Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
