so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
