don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
