I accidentally burped into my bong.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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