I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
