the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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