she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize