i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
