I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need water and some morals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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