when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
