Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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