Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
