He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
