you didnt know i had herpes?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
