they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
