Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
