clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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