Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
