i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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