Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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