You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
