Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
