Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
