So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
