How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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