Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
