Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
