dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
