So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
