i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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