so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
