Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
