im drinking this country out of the recession.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
