Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
