I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
then he tried to convert me to islam
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
