Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
