Who wears a wallet chain?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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