whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
