I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
