I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
