I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my sisters under your porch take her home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
