Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
