My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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