i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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