I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
