Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
