I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
