I could have mohawked her pubes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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