Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
