i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
