you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
