It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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