if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
