you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
