i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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