Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
