Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
