I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
